Control Issues?!?

Lately, I have begun to realize that there are certain things that I like to have a certain way. The dishes need to get done in a certain order, my shower routine has a certain order, I check my email, and facebook stuff in a certain order. In my mind, the way these duties get done saves time, or energy, or water. I also know that these are things I am in control of. There are a lot of things in life we have no control over. I had no control over getting laid off. I have no control over getting called to sub. I have no control over the state of CA and how they distribute unemployment insurance (a fancy word for unemployment checks!). I know this. I know I can't do anything about it. I can hope that those checks will continue forever. I can hope that all these stimulus boosts will allow me to collect free money forever, but I know that is not true. Today I realized that this will probably not happen, and in the near future my contribution to the Koontz clan fund will be severely lacking. I HATE knowing that. I HATE that I cannot do anything about it. I HATE that life, and how we are accustomed to living it, will change. Now, I face a dilemma. Do I hope that I can somehow get called to sub everyday, or do I look for a 9-5 job that I will most likely hate? This feeling of "uncontrol" is hard for me to handle. I hate that I am letting the one I love the most down. I know that trusting God is the answer, but I am finding that my control issues are making it hard to do that. That is my ramble for now...let's hope the next post is a bit more positive... ;)